Thursday, 11 September 2014

On Arachnophobia and Acrophobia

Greetings Sexual Deviants!

This is just a little post about my experiences with Arachnophobia and Acrophobia.

Arachnophobia is, as you most likely know, the fear of spiders.

Acrophobia is the fear, often irrational fear, of heights. This has effect even when you're not that high up.

In regards to the Arachnophobia, I've had it for ages. It also seems to come in waves, sometimes I'm a screaming ninny with heart palpiations, other times I'm like oh, that's a cool spider, just don't come too close to me and we'll be best friends.

All that being said, I've also long been fascinated by spiders. They're very interesting little creatures. A recent hobby of mine is going out into the garden and looking at all the hundreds of Garden Spiders we have out there. One, in particular, is my favourite. She is one big booty bitch. She's huge. I'm making sure you get that because the pictures don't do her justice.

wit her bae
The spider on the left is her boyfriend and baby daddy, a normal sized garden spider. On the right is My Pet, and look at the junk in her trunk.

Sidebar; have you ever seen Garden Spiders flirt? The guy spends about half an hour creeping upto the object of his affections, manically slaps her in the face repeatedly, runs away and repeat. It's insane. But, uh, no, I uh, I didn't spend an hour sitting in the garden watching Garden Spiders flirt. Nope. Not me.

I guess what I'm saying is, I'm on a low ebb of fear and I'm hoping it sticks because it makes my life that much easier. Especially in House Spider season, which is now/coming up.

I've gotten rid of so many of these mother fudgers in the last few days. Bitches need to step the fuck off.

And now, Acrophobia.

Acrophobia is something I've struggled more with for longer. It has also led to slight Bathmophobia (Fear of Stairs and Slopes) and Climacophobia (Fear of Climbing stairs).

Stop laughing and/or saying WTF, this is a legit condition.

It isn't all stairs that I'm afraid of, just in particular strange stairs I'm not familiar with or things like ladders or stairs you can see through. Related, what genius decided bridges you can see through to underneath was a good idea? I also get panicky on those.

This effects my life because I can usually be found slightly panicking in public at the concept of scary looking stairs and slopes. My younger sister knows this and has great sympathy for me. She is pretty much the only one that acknowledges it as a legit phobia. For everyone else it's a case of "everyone's afraid of heights, dum dum, get over it". 

Yeah, okay, I'm totally over my irrational fear now, thanx guiz u rok.

I think I even know where the phobia stems from. A key moment in my childhood that made me fear slipping and falling down steep inclines. Hold onto your butts.

So when I was about 6, my older sister, my scumbag father and I were climbing on some rocks by the beach. Going rock pooling and that. We were up quite a steep incline, at the top of a little hill as t'were, and there was quite a way down, about 45 degrees. Is that right? So quite steep. Shithead (my scumbag father) said "watch out for the seaweed". I, being six, paid absolutely no attention.
I slipped on some of that horrible, slimy light green seaweed and face down slid to the bottom of the incline, having to force my hands down into the rock to stop me. Upon lifting my head, I saw not two inches away a point of rock, aimed directly at me. Would that have speared into my skull if I hadn't stopped sooner? Who knows. Maybe.
And I was cut up good by these rocks. The scratches weren't deep, but they were plentiful. We had to go straight back to where we were staying so I could have a shower. To get the blood off.
My younger sister was still a feotus at this point. My older sister? Laughing her socks off at my pain and panic. Bitch.

I don't have any pictures of the injuries, I'm afraid. But it has stuck with me for ever since. I believe that is where my phobia stems from. I hate heights, I hate being high up with no protection, I hate climbing things, I hate slipping.

All from nearly dying once when I was six.

Also, yes, my life did flash before my eyes.

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